Lord, Use My Hands

I know within myself I am not a certified music lover. I normally do not have earphones in my ears. I rarely tap my fingers or slap my hands on my pants to a beat. I NEVER head-bang. I download music into my mp3, but I usually do that when there is a new song to learn under the pressure of a deadline. I listen to music wherever–-from car speakers, computer speakers, my own earphones, but I am only acquainted with a few songs and artists, who, if not popular, are extremely uncommon. It is a rarity that I know a song or artist a friend also knows. I do not pass the standards for a music addict. That’s why I believe it’s a miracle that I have learned to play the keyboard.

I have been practicing the keyboard since I was five under teachers of all kinds–-keyboardists who play by note, by ear, by Suzuki style. But I still could not play an accompaniment for a singer. This is what most people who enroll in piano school basically want to learn. They want to be musicians–I want to be a musician. But somehow, I felt hopeless and was just about to give up–when my mom interfered.

My mom is not a keyboardist but she does have some knowledge of chords; the little she had, she hoped to pass on to me. She began to teach me my first accompaniment, “Amazing Grace”, using only the chords D, G, and A. It was so hard then, transferring from one chord to another, and maintaining a beat. But it was enough to rekindle the desire to play, even without a formal teacher this time. On my own, I began researching chords of praise and worship songs in our church library. I compiled two clear books of songs we sing to God in church, complete with lyrics, chords, and sometimes, notes. I asked for tips from keyboardist ate’s and kuya’s [big sis and big bro] to polish my playing. And I started to play. I wasn’t that committed to practicing daily, but thanks to my mom and dad’s prodding, I did practice every now and then, looking from my piece to the piano chord chart and playing each chord on the keyboard. I soon slowly but surely learned how to transfer quick from chord to chord, and to maintain a 4/4 or 3/4 beat. This basic technique and many others I discovered along the way, I know I learned only from God.

Today, whenever I watch my hands playing, I still cannot believe what I’m seeing. I had prayed, upon my father’s influence and encouragement, that God would teach me how to play, so I can be used of Him to make music in accompaniment for God’s worshipers. I had asked God to teach me even just the very basics, just so I can play. But God went beyond my expectations of His answer to my prayer.

Since July 2006, and all praise to God’s faithfulness and grace, I have been playing every Sunday in the two Cebuano services of our church till this day. I cannot say that since I am now a keyboardist, I have stopped learning. On the contrary, I am learning so much now that I am actually playing medleys of songs and in front of people. I have learned to adjust with singers, whether young or old, solo or choir. I have also learned to adjust with fellow musicians–drummers, bassists, guitarists–even saxophone players [just once. hehe]. And whenever I learn something new, I realize there is still so much more to learn. There will always be room for growth and more growth, whether in music or any other area of life. But for all that God has done and is doing in my life, I return all the glory, praise, and thanks which rightfully belong to my best Teacher and Guide, God.

A Commitment to Write

Frustrated with my inconsistencies in updating this blog, I tried numerous attempts to click the [delete blog] button, transfer to a new hosting site, and create a brand-new blog. My legalistic efforts however, did not succeed, and this precious little blog of mine survived to this day.

This is an old blog marred with the failure of irregular updates. Thus, I have given it the look, the name, and the feel of a new-born blog to help me make a fresh commitment to blogging. Not just a commitment to update regularly, but a commitment to responsible, disciplined blogging that is careful with each word. I want to choose words that heal, encourage, and inspire. Maybe they will hurt at first, but they will be loving words from a rebuking friend. I want to choose words that best express how I feel and best explain an idea that can easily be understood. I simply want to be a writer. I want to learn how to write. Thus, a commitment to write.

And I hope this blog will encourage and inspire not just people with the same nationality, beliefs, or interests as I, but people from other religions and cultures as well.

I was inspired to make this new commitment to writing from my Advanced Composition class, which I took up just this year. Our professor read one of our classmates’ compositions to the class. The ideas flowed naturally from one to the other without any awkward gaps between them, and it was written in a simple, direct, but creative way. Our professor noted, “Although it is still a first draft, there are not much erasures.” I was challenged. I now wanted to become a real writer who is passionate about writing. In writing this new commitment with digital indelible ink, I have just embarked on the writing adventure. I expect many trials to come my way to test my commitment and love. ♥

This is not my first blog, but it will be my last. I will not write about empty, trivial things for the sake of updating, but perhaps insights about little unnoticed details in life. I will write about things God taught me in the past and is teaching me at present. I would like to write carefully constructed articles this time. I would like to be a disciplined writer who writes not for the sake of carelessly venting out her emotions [a journal would be a better place], but for the good of other people. What’s important is that each post pleases God. I pray every post I write will point people back to the Giver and Sustainer of life, and that is God.

Revolutionize Your Quiet Time

After reading the following article, I am encouraged and inspired to rise up and try again. I will not give up on my often-marred-with-failure quiet time with God! I hope you will be able to say the same thing too after reading the following article:

Never in January
By Noel Piper

A year ago I set out to read the whole Bible. That's nothing new; I've begun to read the whole Bible every other year for about 28 years-emphasis on "begun." But with all the best intentions, I was never able to finish my annual program of Scripture-reading-until this year. A few months ago, I closed my Bible with a feeling of immense satisfaction: I had finally read it through, all 66 books, all in a year.

This time I can truthfully say that I never dragged myself dutifully on to the next chapters. I loved it and it pulled me back day after day. What made this attempt different? I'm certain God's Spirit provided the inspiration, because I was the same stumbling Christian I have always been. But I did decide to take a more creative approach to my "walk through the Word."

I didn't begin in January. I simply let the Spirit push me into it "any time now." I began in July.

I started in Hosea and read to the end of the Old Testament. I knew what had become of my efforts before when I had started quite literally, "in the beginning." I also knew there were chunks of the minor prophets I had never laid eyes on. There's something intriguing about unknown territory.

I didn't try to read books in sequence. After Leviticus, I was ready for some adventure in Acts. I completed one book before I began another, except for the Psalms and Proverbs which I read in scattered chunks whenever I wanted to.

I felt free to skim repetitive sections (like genealogies and censuses). But I did skim carefully enough to catch any unusual information that might have been stuck in unexpectedly.

I didn't divide the Bible into 365 equal segments. Sufficient to the day was the amount I could make time for. I have discovered when using daily reading guides that nothing kills my incentive like falling a few days behind and feeling under pressure to "catch up."

I kept my Bible handy. I often dropped it in my purse if I thought I might have reading time while I was out. At home, the Bible belonged on the kitchen counter, opened to the right place. Many times it called me away from dishwashing and into my easy chair.

I often took along only the Bible as reading material. This has been true for times as short as a ten-minute wait in the doctor's office and as long as a week's vacation. A bookaholic needs no encouragement to pick up something, anything, to read. And when there's only one book at hand, the choice is clear. And who can resist it?

All of those helped, but here was the most important difference from other efforts to read through the Bible. This time, I became a hunter, and my blue highlighter was my weapon. The prey was God's attributes. I set out to underline everything the Bible says about God (didn't want to set my sights too narrow!). I made blue stripes through all the names of God, word pictures about him, what he likes and dislikes, how he reacts to faithfulness and to sin. I was on my third pen when I finished.

This "hunt for God" was irresistible to me. It drew me like a magnet. And once I was inside the pages, it kept my mind moving-no more drowsing and waking up two chapters later.

My Bible's flyleaves are filled with lists. As I read, I found I didn't want to lose what I was finding out about God. I made lists of God's names (I found over 200 names, phrases and variations that referred to him), Jesus' names (about 140), and the Spirit's names (about 35). There is also a list of pictures used to describe God (shepherd, potter, eagle, farmer, husband, nursing mother . . . ). Another list is of references for passages so beautiful I knew I'd want to find them again.

I used my "finds" to focus my thoughts on God. From my daily reading, I could choose a name or description of God and think of him in those terms all day. For instance, on a vacation afternoon when my four boys had been out of school one day too long, it helped to know God as a Rock who cannot be shaken. Or when we couldn't see our way clear toward a decision we had to make, we still knew that God is our Light and our Salvation.

This year? I recently picked up an inexpensive paperback Bible and a new pink marking pen. This year I think I'll hunt for God's presence—all the times and circumstances when he promises he will be with us, that he will not leave us.

Career or Ministry?

I am halfway through college at this point, having finished the first two years of my bachelor's degree, Praise God. But it is not that thought which bothers me, but where I will go and what I will do when I graduate. Yes, I am still halfway through, but I do worry about the future. I want to follow my desires for a high-paying job since I will be taking the place of my mom and be breadwinner of my family soon. I have many plans of furthering my career. But what if this life is not what God wants for me?
I have been thinking much about these things these days since I've just been offered a job at our church library, and which I can accept once I graduate. It is one with a meager salary, but a job through which I can serve God because I am using my talents and knowledge for the spiritual benefit of His people, particularly His servants, our pastors. I say spiritual because the wealth of information and insight found in these books, which our church library holds, is very useful in their ministry and in their individual walk with God. And since I specialize in making these information available, I have many ideas as to how to disseminate this information to our church workers and assist them in exhausting everything they could from it.
But there are many other opportunities outside, and again, the salary. I hate to admit it, but I'm sure what will make me choose these other jobs will be the pay I will be receiving at the end of the month. But what an empty ambition to work for money! However, I do want to make my mom proud and I want to share my salary with her, since she did invest her money, time, effort, and love in my education.
There is also the dream of proceeding further, taking up a master's degree or a second course or something. I would love to teach biology or chemistry in high school or even in college. There are very many options, very many things to do, but so little time. We don't even know what our tomorrows may bring, how much more the many years ahead which God will graciously give us!
Right now, I am only praying that God would reveal to me soon before I graduate what His will for my life really is. Will my career be separate from my ministry? Or will it be my ministry? I pray God would soften my heart and only make it obedient and submissive to Him. I believe God would love to reveal what His purpose for our lives is. I believe He will not hide it from us, because He wants us to follow it and live a purposeful, fulfilled life here on earth. I don't want to make a mistake; I don't want to live in rebellion against what God wants for me. I want God's blessing and approval, His smile, upon my life:)

Journaling

I may not have been around my blog much, but I have been writing in my journal profusely these days. There are just so many things on my mind which I will never dare to write down here in public, but I have poured out in my journal. Writing them all down has helped clear up my mind a million times. To call your blog an online diary will sound like an oxymoron. It's just like calling it a public diary with your heart all open for others to see. I'm sure all of us will never like that. Yes, we write as much detail as we could into our blogs, but we will never write every hidden thought, every secret desire.. for personal reasons. Only God, and our journals, truly know what is in our heart.
I am an introvert. Sad to say, I usually write all about myself, my sorrows and joys. If I write in my blog as I would in my journal, I will never grab my readers' interest. My journal will never interest anyone but myself. I vent everything into my journal. It is my personal outlet.
As to my blog, I don't know what to call this as of now. I just know that my journal has been a very, very, very dear friend of mine lately.
But God is the best journal, the best friend anyone could have. A journal cannot give you real comfort or peace, but God can. And when you pray to Him, He answers. When you put your trust in Him, He helps, He strengthens. God is all we need.
P.S. If my mom discovers my journal, it is the end of me. Well, kinda.

Blunders

This is a very late blog post for a big explosive thing that already happened one week ago, but I will blog my feelings about it anyway. I felt a mixture of feelings at his victory, a victory one would least expect. For one, I am disappointed because Adam definitely had the talent which makes him worthy of the title, and I think all of us agree at this point. In contrast to Adam, Kris never had faith in his talent. Each elimination night since the Top 5 I think, I notice that Kris was always expecting to get eliminated out of the competition any time, yet it never happened. The look of surprise on his face when he found out he was one of the Top 3! And an even greater look of surprise on his face when he found out he was included in the Top 2! And at last getting there, bagging the title himself, was I believe the greatest surprise of his life - and I will no longer describe the look of surprise on his face. This was perhaps the biggest blunder in Idol history, and even Simon, in his reaction at the announcement of Kris' victory, hated to admit it. (He did not give Kris a standing ovation.) This is what happens when popularity vote is the only criteria depended upon for a contestant to win. The judges' ratings ought to have a percentage too, so that the deserving contestant will have a chance. American Idol producers should think about changing their scoring system soon.But still, I am relieved. If Adam had won, I could never accept it. Yes, talent-wise, he definitely deserves it, but morally, he doesn't. I wouldn't want a pervert to win, even if he had all the talent and good looks in the world. Homosexuals are definitely not worthy to be Idolized, and even more homosexuals who are so blatant and proud about themselves. I'm happy that there are still more God-fearing and morally upright Americans out there, who chose to stand up for what they believe in and voted for Kris instead.

Note-Taking and Re-Writing

I always forget time whenever I go to some school supply shop, and look around... the notebooks. At last, I bought a new one last Friday and have spent the last two days rewriting Sunday sermon notes from a dirty, old notebook (actually, it's neither dirty nor old). It's dirty because I have doodled my signatures all over its covers and throughout most of the pages together with the outlines and insights that I have written, and it's old because its almost a year old. I'm just choosy with notebooks, easily get bored with them, and dream one day to have a filled-up notebook with no pages torn, and neat handwriting all through-out (yep, it's still a dream till now).
Anyway, as I've been rewriting my notes on Sunday preachings (and even in sermon note-taking, I am not very faithful, as I've been noting the dates too. I really am very ningas-cogon), I've realized the value of note-taking and re-writing.
Once we note something heard or read or thought-of down, we are noting it down for life. These ideas are forever written on paper, never to be erased again - unless if they were written in pencil, or got burned in some fire. These are information which are now available for us to think of or put to good use. These information on paper now become one of our most valuable treasures, especially if such information are useful for the good of our own lives through making the most out of life. Information on how to develop our relationship with our Creator is most priceless. Only eternity knows the value of such... notes. =)
Now I discovered that my mom has been doing some re-writing of her own too, and because of this, we greatly enjoyed dear mother-daughter moments as we shared lessons learned through re-writing our notes. We agreed that re-writing can be a mentally, yes, even spiritually, enriching task. We have been reminded of so many things we thought we have never heard but we did, and forgot them. Our faith has been refreshed since through re-writing, we were "hearing" a sermon being preached again.
But the same principle goes for note-taking and re-writing thoughts and learnings at school, at home, even at some far-off island where we are vacationing. If we could only write our whole lives down, we could fill up libraries and libraries and libraries. And a future librarian like me will never lose a job. Haha!

Pride and Humility

I often wonder why we are always stunned or in shock after every victory Manny Pacquiao brings for the Philippines. His boxing campaigns are always so unbelievable. Just last Sunday, May 3, he again won another feat. He's already had as of now six straight victories.Pacman is the pride of the Philippines, and he unites all Filipinos with his every punch. By all, I mean all, even our own snatchers and holdupers, taxi and jeepney drivers, men and women, young and old, in our country. Whenever Manny Pacquiao fights live, the statistics say that the Philippines all over has ZERO crime rate, totally crime-free, since even criminals are watching the television. When it is in the middle of the day, streets are supposed to be filled with busy, unruly jeepneys racing with each other to get the passengers waiting at the next block. But whenever he fights, all streets are so hushed and quiet you can hear a pin drop (Just kidding! But I exaggerate to show the great comparison).

Now, days after his recent fight with Ricky Hatton, Filipinos - in all sorts of public places from bus terminals to jeepneys to every street corner - are still all abuzz about this living boxing legend. It is just so unbelievable for us humble Filipinos, who have always been stricken with a low self-esteem before other countries, especially before European and American countries who are so progressive economically. But what makes it even more unbelievable is the scare and nervousness it always gives us when Pacquiao's opponents speak so highly of their abilities and accomplishments before their upcoming fights. This is mostly true of Ricky Hatton, who sounded quite boastful, to me. Perhaps God had humbled him. If Pacquiao begins to boast of his abilities, it may also mark the end of his career, for,

"God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." (James 4:6) And,

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." (Proverbs 16:18)

Pride is God's worst enemy, for it is the root of all sin. Both words have the letter i in the middle, which means the proud person is the selfish person who thinks only of himself and his own good, his own reputation, his own benefit. It is the hardest sin to conquer and even the humblest, maturest Christians fall prey to this sin, this attitude in their hearts. For even when we begin to realize we are humble, then we are proud. All glory then rightfully and only belongs to God, who deserves it all.
The principles of the Bible remain true not only in boxing but in our own everyday lives. God honors the humble in heart - those people who think not of themselves, or trust not in their own abilities, but commit all their ways to the Lord, knowing that He alone controls all things.